Well, what a day it has been. I just spent literally hours in a 3’x3’x7’ room.. .. .. Ok, Ok, scrubbing the walls in the shower.. not my favorite thing.. too old for manual labor.. no strength.. had to spray the walls with the ever poisonous X14.. like Tilex, only different.. I think Tilex worked better.
Then sprayed the walls down with water.. had to do the rest sitting down on a stool, with an abrasive pad, and a chop stick. It worked, but I’m doing the rest of the night lying down.
I let it go too long.. then worked too hard.. now lying down, probably for the rest of the week end!
Started out the day moving my Mini, so my wife could pull out her car to go to the gym at 0630.. already having myself out, I went to Destination Bakery and got some wonderful fruit filled things, that I can’t find the name for.. then home to have coffee and said fruit filled things.
My wonderful sleep apnea has again removed the word that I need to use instead of ‘fruit filled things’. Sad, who would have known that my brain forgets to tell my body to breath, Hence, not giving oxygen to said brain, causing Memory loss.. now that I know that, I wear a mask over my face at night, so that I am forced to breath. Now that helps for some things, but does not get me back the vocabulary, that I once had.. Vary Frustrating!
If only I could select the things I wish to forget.. HA! Fat chance!.. So many things too horrible to remember.. yet, there they are plaguing me day, after day..
“Danish!!!!” there! HA!
The ‘fruit filled things’ I could not find the word for in that morass that I have for a brain.. I can’t find ‘Danish’, but I can tell you what I wore 20 March 1788.. no problem remembering things from past lives.. I can make a fishing spear, an arrow, leather clothing, play the flute, do the most intricate bead work, and can’t remember the word to use in a sentence.. Frustrating...
Does time do this to us?.. is it time that ages us, or is it life, that ages us? How could I have used up so much of life and not known? My body feels used up.. weakened.. canes to stand, canes to walk.. to spend it sitting or lying down.. why? Why is it thus? What did I do to it, that I must be in pain always? Huh! Well maybe that’s it.. I see patients come to my window in the hospital each day, trying to get more pain meds. Maybe that is why I try to go without. So that I will not be trapped with in the medication. Is that not profound, or is it an epiphany?
I have tried many that my PMC Physician has given me.. they work for a little while, but never get all the pain.. just some here and there.. some joint pain goes, and some where else in my body gets worse.. fix that, and it moves somewhere else..
So, I try to ignore it.. to mask it.. and to walk and live with it.. cause it is going to be there regardless. But it is irritating!
But, other than that, I guess life is really good. I can still see.. I can still feel.. I can still hear.. Therefore, I can READ, enjoy the Opera, a Play, a Musical, Theatre, even a Movie.. and so, Am I Not Blessed?.. Yes! I am Blessed indeed...
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