I wrote this over thirty years ago.
MY LIFE REMEMBERED
Where am I? I'm in San Francisco, it's late evening, or very early morning. The fog's in, and there is slight drizzle or maybe rain;. There's s bit of an icy nip in the air, and I have my serape close around me, with my hat pulled low.
I like walking in San Francisco late at night. It stirs up old memories. Some good, others bad. Like this area we're in now, with the wind blowing in off of the bay... Ships swaying at their mooring lines....
A little chilly, you say. Yes, the back side of Potrero Hill is this way at times.
These streets, with their barracks type apartments.. bring back memories I wish I could forget. You see the hospital over there, well, it is kind of hard to see it through the fog. That large structure over there, well that's San Francisco General. I was born there a little over twenty-nine years ago... Over here a few blocks, yes, right there is 60 Dakota Street., my first home.
My father's name was Leon Warren Moxon.. or that's the name that was on my birth certificate. I never knew him.. I was told he was lost at sea during World War II, before I was born. He would have been 48 next year.
My mother's name is Beverly Jeanne Mertes. My memories of her are a lot like this place, some are good, some I pray I'll some day forget.
I remember a Christmas.. Our dog, an Irish setter, had puppies.. Funny I never remembered that until just now. Rain and I were very excited. We were both dressed like twins in carpenter overalls and hats.. and there were all those puppies...
I remember riding on the back of Mr. Todds motorcycle... hmm mm... another blank...
Mr. Eckert's gone somewhere, and Rein and I are alone with mother and our grandparents. Rein is my half-brother.. He's Mr. Eckert's son.
There's an old corner store at the top of a hill in my memory, but I can't find it now... Our grandfather used to by me candy there...
I remember sliding down a hill on cardboard, on a very sunny day. I skinned my knee. Mother took us all to the beach that day and a large wave crashed over me. I almost got washed out to sea.
I get sad when I remember that because the next thing I remember is my grandmother being very sick a lot of the time. Then grandmother got too sick to take care of us. Rein and I were taken to a place, that I later found out was for unwanted children.
It was cold in the room they locked us in. Gray walls all around us.... There was a window in one wall looking out over the front of the building, and it was open. I don't know how many stories up we were. My brother and I were crying. We went to the window and looked out through the bars. Far below we could see mother and grandmother leaving.... All we could think of, was getting out and finding our way home. We didn't know why we were there. We banged on the door, but no one came. We had no idea what would happen to us.
We went again to the window. I was quite small and frail then, and I had an idea, not a good one, I was going to climb out on the ledge through the bars, with nothing but escape on my mind. I stuck my head and shoulders through the bars.........
I was lying down in something, moving very fast. There was a loud pulsating noise. I now know it was the siren of an ambulance. I was headed for a hospital somewhere.
I couldn't figure out where I was, where I was going, or why. I couldn't feel anything. I asked where I was going, but was only told that I was going to see my brother, who had had an accident. I never saw my brother again.
I spent two years in that hospital; I've had a phobia about them since.
When released I was placed up for adoption. i was in and out of many homes. A year later I was placed in a home, but I had tonsillitis and acute malnutrition. So I went back to the hospital....
It hasn't warmed up any has it? In fact it looks a lot like it's going to rain a little harder. Listen to those fog horns.. Well, good night.. Maybe we'll meet again some time. What? What was my name? Well that would be telling... I've had at least ten names since then... By the way, do you know Rein Eckert? I've searched for him my hole life.. If you do.. let me know... by now....
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Well, that was more than thirty years ago.. I did find him.. I had to find my mother to find him.. but on the upside, I found two sisters I didn't know I had. I am now connected with my brother and with my sisters.. they mean a lot to me... I Love Him..we went through some terrible times togeather.. he really means the world to me..
My adopted parents, were abusive.. both emotionaly and physicaly.. I remember when my adoptive mother broke a wooden garden chair over my back one day.. I kept hoping I would be able to become what they wanted, but I never was.. good enough.. they never liked my art.. I just couldn't measure up.. the only time they liked me was when I was a Christian minister.. I tried, it didn't work for me.. when I changed my pathway, my whole life and outlook changed.
